Don't you dare try to tell me what his words mean! If I had died it would have been from my own inability to take control of my life. When Donnie died, it was from me fighting to save myself. Suicide by apathy and self defense do not make him a murderer!

You don't fucking get it. You don't want to understand, so you run from the details and hide behind generalizations. He knew one of us would die, and he set it up. So what? He didn't make that choice for me. I decided to survive. I decided Donnie would die, and if I hadn't, I'd just be killing myself.

He handed me the gun, that's all. I pulled the trigger, not John, and I did it in self-defense. There was no homicide involved.