with_discipline | 090

Entry tags:

090 | [Video]

[Hi Barge. There's a very serene looking Vulcan on the screen. She isn't quite smiling yet, but it's lying in wait.] In light of the recent flood, if anyone would like to discuss their experiences, I have a good deal of free time on my hands. Slade has slipped into a barge coma, it would seem. I've left him in his room, and intend to check in on him regularly: I believe he would prefer to be there than the infirmary, if that is acceptable.

[And there's the smile.] I'd be happy to speak with anyone who feels it would help them.

[She nods, and leans back, looking satisfied. The rest is directed toward her apparently now vast group of friends, though it's still public.] On an unrelated note, I've considered allowing my hair to grow out. [SHOULD SHE, BARGE?]

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[She walks toward him slowly, hands held behind her.] Tell me about your sister.

[That. Throws him off guard.]

...why.

[Progress. :|]

Because I imagine that is where a great deal of your anger stems from.

[His face twists into a sneer] She was my only family. She didn't deserve what happened to her.

She was perfect and better then all of you on this fucking boat.

She was a teacher. She taught. Another sign that she's better then all of you. She had kids, she fought for everything she had. We looked out for each other. Signs of a real... [long pause] human being.

[His brow furrows and he fixes her with a defiant look]

[She takes another step forward, hands falling to her sides.] Go on. What was she like as a child? Did you always get along? [She stopped in front of him, in reaching distance. She was waiting, just a little longer.]

[He takes a small step back]

It was just us. Us against the world. I fought to keep us from being split up. The foster care homes wanted us to. Adopt either me or her-but my mother told me keep her safe. Protect her.

And I...did that. She deserved to be protected and cherished.

[He continues, heedless] She liked to draw and write. I paid, out of my own fucking pocket, for her to go to Disneyland with the other kids. We fought like cats and dogs-I was the one who went to see our father buried. I was the one who fought his application to see her.

I saved her life. She was mine.

What's the matter. [malicious smirk] jealous?

[The smirk is ignored, an she takes another step forward, pushing him back into the seat with her left hand on his shoulder, her right reaching for the qui'lari points on his face. Her fingers settle and she makes the connection, but it isn't a traditional mind meld. She's asking his consciousness to bring up all his memories of his sister, make them clear as day and untinged by lies he may have accepted or told himself.]

You admired her. You cared for her. What happened?

[Hoffman staggers. He's about to protest, to shove her off before he goes blank and there is an overwhelming amount of...fear and anger. No remorse. No remorse at all.

But Angie's there. She's long haired and bright and smiling warmly.]

She started dating a felon.

[His voice is soft.]

She met him in a group she volunteered with. She'd...she'd been dating him for awhile before I found out.

[His eyes close] He beat her. I picked her up from the ER covered in bruises. She became battered-she made excuses for him. She shied away from me.

[His voice grows hard, sad and in pain] He was hurting her! I had to get her away but she wouldn't listen to me. She said I was...controlling. A monster.

She called me a monster...

[She finds that memory, holds onto it until he can fixate it on his own. It's what he needs to see, to recognize, to accept.]

What did he do to her?

[Hoffman makes a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh. His hands clench into fists and flop uselessly at his sides. A single tear runs down his cheek. It's gone in an instant.]

They fought over a fucking party. He cut off her fucking head. It was severed to the spinal column. I held her...They wouldn't let me near her but I held her and she just...she just looked at me...

[Her own horror threatened to rise, but this was not about sympathy, and it was not about her feelings. It was about his pain, his tears. She dug deeper in his mind, planting the seeds of acceptance.]

You blame yourself. [It wasn't his fault. It had never been his fault.]

...I told her..

[his voice shakes]

I told her if she wanted to fuck her life up that was her business.

[he lets out another gentle sob]

I told her that she shouldn't involve me...

I pushed her toward him..

You loved her, [she pointed out, squeezing his shoulder lightly.] You were trying to convince her.

[She pulled him up, hand moving to hold his arm tightly.] Her death was not your fault, Mark. Understand that.

[He lets out another sob, loosing his balance]

...She's dead...I couldn't save her and it was...was..

[And he begins to sob for real now, slumping against her.]

[She holds him, allows him to slump for a few moments - but then she's pushing him upright, pulling her hand back - after planting the determination he'd need to accept his innocence, and his guilt, and live with it. She shakes him just enough to catch his attention.]

She's gone. But it was not your fault, Mark. You can still atone for what you've done.

[His head lolls to the side]

[He stares at her] ...I did it all for her..

Would she have appreciated it? Would she really have wanted you to become this?

[He reaches up to hold his cheek]

....Angie...Angie I didn't mean to...Angie I'm sorry....I..

[He stares at T'Pol.]

I didn't mean it..Don't tell Angie...please...I'm sorry...

Oh god.

[It's starting to hit him now.]

[Finally. She's holding him up carefully.] Release this pain, Mark. It doesn't have to define your actions anymore. Don't be confined by it.

Oh god...[he slumps]

[A few minutes pass before he raises his eyes]

What did you do?

[He sounds normal. No malice,no suppressed anger. His entire body is shaking]

[She smiles, taking his arms and squeezing. Maybe he needs a hug.] I asked you to face your pain. How do you feel?

[He doesmn't speak for a good few minutes. Getting up, he throws his arms around her in. a. Bear hug before he lets her go quickly. Looking around-he closes his eyes and laughs] i need an asprin. And...

Oh god. The things I've done...

[He puts a hand on his chest. ]

[He smiles at her, a small smile]

I'm okay.

Feel like I got hit by a truck but i'm ok.

[His voices rises. In volume]

I'M OKAY!

[She returns the hug, patting his back and smiling against his shoulder before he lets go.] I'm sure the infirmary could get you an aspirin.

[The yelling makes her head twitch to the side, because sensitive hearing, ow, but she reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder.] I'm glad.

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090 | [Video]

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